5 Steps to Curating Your Inner Circle

Hi there, happy Thursday!

Welcome to another issue of the Network Wrangler. We’re up to number 14! Here’s what we’re covering today:

• Practical steps to curate your Inner Circle

• Deep dive on the effects of the Supporter archetype

• How asking for help strengthens your network

Curating Your Inner Circle: Practical Steps to Attract and Engage

In our journey toward achieving our fullest potential, the people we surround ourselves with play a pivotal role. Curating an Inner Circle—comprising mentors, motivators, connectors, challengers, and supporters—is not just about building a network; it's about cultivating a tight-knit group that propels us toward our dreams. This strategic selection of individuals impacts our growth, mindset, and success.

Here are some practical steps to intentionally attract and engage the right people into your life, forming your Inner Circle that embodies the best combination of inspiration, support, and challenge.

Step 1: Self-Reflection and Goal Setting

The foundation of curating your Inner Circle begins with self-awareness. It requires you to understand your values, goals, and what you seek in relationships. Ask yourself what areas of your life you want to grow in and what qualities you value in others. This clarity will guide you in seeking out individuals who align with your aspirations.

Step 2: Identify Potential Inner Circle Members

This is a time when you truly need to trust your gut about the people around you and hone in on behaviors, not intentions. Seek out those who not only excel in areas you aspire to grow in but also those who challenge the status quo and help you fight the homeostatic impulse. Look for those who are quick to offer new perspectives and those who provide emotional support. Above all else, diversity in your Inner Circle enriches your growth, offering a wide range of insights and experiences.

Step 3: Engage with Authenticity and Intent

Building meaningful relationships requires authenticity and genuine interest. Meaningful relationships form when each party is creating value for the other. Engage with potential Inner Circle members by showing curiosity about their journey, sharing your aspirations, and discussing how you can support each other. Remember that the smaller the time gap between give and take, the more transaction-like the connection feels. Authentic connections are built on mutual respect and shared value, not transactional interactions.

Step 4: Nurture the Relationships

An Inner Circle thrives on reciprocity and consistent engagement. Make an effort to maintain regular contact by meeting up, checking in, or even collaborating on projects. Show appreciation for their support and be ready to offer your own. Remember, strong relationships are nurtured over time through shared experiences and challenges. How are you helping the members of your Inner Circle interact with each other?

Step 5: Continuously Evaluate and Adapt

Your needs and goals will evolve as you grow, and so should your Inner Circle. Periodically assess the dynamics of your relationships. Are they still contributing to your growth? Are you contributing to theirs? Be open to welcoming new members and, if necessary, letting go of relationships that no longer serve your mutual growth.

Curating your Inner Circle is an ongoing process that demands intentionality and openness. You create a powerful ecosystem that accelerates your journey toward success by surrounding yourself with individuals who inspire, challenge, and support you. Remember, the quality of your Inner Circle can transform the trajectory of your life, making every step toward your goals more meaningful and attainable.

Want more insights and practical steps? Pick up a copy of my book to unlock the Inner Circle Effect and harness the power of your closest connections.

Finding Courage with Your Supporter Archetype

Over the weekend, I saw an impactful interview with Simon Sinek (is he ever not impactful?). He reflected on the importance of remembering we should never be in this alone, and he shared the marvelous power of just one person helping give us courage.

Courage is a force that propels us forward.

Courage helps us step outside our comfort zones.

Courage is the fuel that ignites change and transformation in our lives.

All of the above is part of the Inner Circle Effect, and the Supporter archetype unleashes this for us. Indeed, the following passage from Sinek’s interview perfectly describes the essence of the Supporter archetype in our Inner Circle.

The Supporter in our Inner Circle can give us courage when we can’t muster it on our own, especially when nothing seems to be going right.

So, who fills the Supporter role in your Inner Circle?

If you currently have a vacancy, it’s high time you find one.

You got this. I believe in you.

Why Is Asking for Help a Sign of Strength?

It's completely natural to find it a bit daunting to reach out and ask for help. I grew up taking great pride in my self-sufficiency, and those tendencies run deep, still. If you've ever hesitated, wondering if you might come across as less capable, or worried about the possibility of a 'no', you're not alone.

I know I have to overcome this urge to DIY my way through life, and I’ve done copious reading and investigating why this fixation on self-sufficiency and reluctance to reach out to others.

Fascinating research from Stanford has shown that even children as young as seven might share these concerns. It's a universal feeling rooted in not wanting to seem weak or fearing rejection, which, let's face it, can feel pretty tough. (I’m working on the facing rejection piece, too.)

And then there's the worry about being a burden, something that many of us mull over.

Each of these feelings is understandable and deeply human.

But here's the thing: reaching out for support is actually a sign of strength. It shows you're wise enough to know when you could use a helping hand, and courageous enough to seek it.

Remember, by asking for help, you're also giving someone the opportunity to feel good about lending a hand. It's a two-way street that strengthens connections. We are pro-social creatures that feel better and do better when helping others out.

So, the next time you find yourself hesitating, take a deep breath and remember that reaching out is a positive step – for you and for the people you're connecting with.

SCROLL: This Week’s Quick Hits

• The introvert’s guide to surviving a party: “It’s important to understand that introverts are not incapable of schmoozing… it just takes a lot out of us.” Click on for 7 survival tips. (MrPorter.com)

• Empathy and EQ are coming soon to a robot near you. “I just had a conversation with an empathic AI chatbot — and it creeped me out.” (Tom’s Guide)

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That’s all for this week. See you next Thursday! 👀

— Thomas

Oh, and in case you missed it, here’s a link to my appearance on the Adam Experiment talking about the concepts in my book and other things (yep, I’m rocking a beard these days)!

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