Be the Friend You Wish You Had

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Hi there, it’s Thomas

We’re barely one day into 2026, and already the air is thick with goal-setting and personal reinvention. We know the drill: eat better, exercise more, save smarter, hustle harder. But there’s a quiet revolution waiting. One with the potential to reshape not just your year, but your relationships, your community, and your own well-being.

This year, let’s reframe self-improvement around others. Instead of just asking What do I want to change about myself?, try asking:

All of Life Is Built on Relationships

Whether it’s your family, your friends, your neighbors, or your colleagues—your life is a web of relationships. Your health, your happiness, your career trajectory, and even your longevity are all downstream from the strength and diversity of your social ties.

And yet, as our tech gets smarter, our connections get weaker. Sociologist Sherry Turkle warned us in Alone Together that modern life is increasingly designed for frictionless efficiency: food delivered, entertainment streamed, conversations replaced with reaction buttons.

We've engineered intimacy out of our daily rhythms.

The result? A creeping epidemic of loneliness. A study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science found that social isolation increases the risk of premature death as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. This isn’t just about mental health, it’s existential.

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The Daisy Chain of Connection

Here’s the hopeful part: every act of friendship creates ripples. Do something kind for a friend, and they’re more likely to pass that kindness along. That’s not poetic, it’s empirical.

Psychologist Nicholas Christakis, co-author of Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks, found that cooperative behavior spreads up to three degrees in a social network. That means your act of support for a friend could benefit their friend’s friend.

This is how we rebuild the fabric of society this year: one gesture, one week, at a time.

Who Do You Want to Be This Year?

Take a moment. Reflect on your closest friends: the ones you trust, the ones you call first, the ones you miss.

Now ask yourself:

• What qualities make them good friends?

• How many of those qualities do you actively embody in return?

You may be surprised to find a gap between what you appreciate and what you demonstrate. That’s okay. Friendship isn’t about perfection; it’s about intention.

A Resolution Worth Keeping: 52 Weeks of Friendship

Let’s make 2026 the year of social generosity. One conscious act of friendship. Every week.

Some ideas to get you started:

• Surprise an old friend with a handwritten note.

• Introduce two people in your network who could benefit from knowing each other.

• Offer to help a new neighbor or colleague feel more welcome.

• Publicly praise a friend’s recent win, online or offline.

• Share a story of someone who impacted your life and tag them.

Keep a simple tracker: 52 blank boxes. Fill one each week with a small deed. By year’s end, you’ll have become someone others want to become.

The Science of Helping Others (and Yourself)

You won’t just be helping others, you’ll be upgrading your own nervous system. Research by psychologists like Sonja Lyubomirsky and Martin Seligman shows that prosocial behavior increases happiness, reduces stress, and improves cognitive resilience.

And let’s not forget the Mirror Neuron Effect. When we observe or engage in acts of kindness, our brain activates the same areas as if we were the recipient. You’ll feel better, neurologically, simply by being more generous with your time and attention.

This Week’s Challenge: Audit Your Own Friendship Style

Before the next issue of this newsletter hits your inbox, take a moment to reflect on what kind of friend you are to others.

1. Make a list of 3-5 qualities you admire most in your closest friends.

2. Rank yourself (honestly) on how well you show those same qualities.

3. Choose one to improve, then take a specific action this week that embodies it.

Example: If you admire consistency, schedule a recurring monthly catch-up with someone you’ve fallen out of touch with. If you admire generosity, gift a book that changed your life to someone who might need it now.

Let 2026 be the year you lead with friendship. Not for the sake of likes, metrics, or status, but because that’s the world you want to live in.

That’s the world I want to live in.

Let’s build it together.

What’s been your experience comparing the kind of friend you want to the kind of friend you are? Did you find a big gap or a small one? Let me know by hitting reply. Your email goes straight to my inbox. 🙏