Who Can You Trust in Your Network?

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Hi there, happy Thursday!

Welcome to issue #35 of the Network Wrangler. Today’s newsletter (sponsored by 1440!) is all about identifying and leveraging the value you’ve already created in your network.

I’ll share one of the tools I use in my workshops to identify who you know who can provide you with the best referrals, and then I’ll walk you through how to audit your network to see the trajectory your connections are on, and whether they are keepers or candidates for replacement (and why).

Have a question about networking that you’d like to see addressed in a future issue? Simply hit reply to let me know. Now, on with the issue…

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Who Can You Trust in Your Network?

Last week, I discussed the power of saying “I don’t know” to catalyze a network of fellow lifelong learners with a growth mindset.

This week, I’d like to turn the spotlight toward our existing networks as places where we look for answers or referrals.

Our networks are composed of individuals with various levels of expertise and emotional closeness, not to mention the strengths of connection and longevity of relationships. They are a tapestry of unique individuals bound together by diverse connections, not a homogeneous pool of matched nodes.

So, when it comes time to tap into our networks for a referral, who do we reach out to, among all the threads in this tapestry?

It’s a problem at the heart of the workshop I give sales teams about discovering the value of their old and cold connections. Given all the people they’ve known over time, whom do they reach out to first?

To answer the question, I created this graphic below, inspired by the work of Liz Fosslien (her Instagram), an expert on effectively embracing emotions at work and co-author of the WSJ best-seller No Hard Feelings: the Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work.

So, in my “Reignite Your Network” workshop, I cover how we audit network connections to see who will make the best referrals for new business. As with anything sales-related, the goal is to reach out to the most productive connections, so it all comes down to who you can trust for a good referral.

And, thanks to Fosslein’s work, we know that those connections we can best trust are at the intersection of three critical qualities. In the illustration above, this is the “Mine This for Gold” intersection of these three circles:

1. Care: Does the person want what’s best for you? This question asks whether they even know what’s best for you, but if they do, you need to believe they want it to happen.
   

2. Familiarity: How well does the person know you? They might know an older version of you if they're an old connection. But even if they do know a former version of yourself, you can decide how quickly you can bring them up to speed on your current self.
   

3. Credibility: How relevant is this person’s knowledge to your request? I’d be reluctant to ask a color-blind farmer for a referral to an urban designer. Just sayin’.

The illustration shows what you risk happening when you only have two of the three critical qualities addressed in the connection:

• Care x Credibility: They want what’s best for you and have the expertise to know, but because they’re not familiar with you, you risk the referral not applying to your current need.

• Care x Familiarity: They want what’s best for you and know you well, but because they lack credibility, you risk them giving you the wrong referral.

• Credibility x Familiarity: They know you well and they know their stuff, but because they don’t want what’s best for you (competitor, anyone?) you risk them giving you a referral that’s not helpful.

This is why you look for connections that embody all three critical qualities of Care, Credibility, and Familiarity for referrals you can trust.

Have you ever gotten a bum referral from someone because they lacked one of the critical qualities? Which one do you think is most important above all others?

Identifying Where Your Network Can Improve

When I work with clients, the first thing we do together is figure out why they are unhappy with their current network: Why isn’t it delivering the value they want?

Our next step is to identify their vision for how they want to use their network. Only then do we set about actually making changes to their network.

And as the first step in reshaping their networks, I advise that we audit their existing connections to understand where we can make changes.

A crucial part of this audit is understanding how close they are to the people they already count as part of their network, specifically, those they count as part of their Dunbar’s number (their 150 closest contacts).

Within these 150, what’s the proximity and trajectory of these contacts? Put another way, are they getting warmer and closer, or are they getting older and colder?

We’re looking at the strength of connection for the last three categories in the chart below, which shows the stages of the networking funnel of connection:

For those unfamiliar with the Networking Funnel of Connection, it’s a tool used to track your efforts to move an aspirational member of your network from “I gotta go find someone like this” (out of the vast ocean of 8 billion Unknown humans) all the way to “they’re in my Inner Circle.” (and all the significant effects these Close Contacts deliver).

A person’s network that fits within Dunbar’s number is usually within the final two categories of “Engaged Authentically” and “Close Contact.” And since Dunbar’s number is the equivalent of a glass jar of marbles (there are only so many that will fit), we focus on the contents of these two categories to decide who stays and who needs to be moved aside to make room for someone new.

How to Do Your Own Network Audit

If you’re thinking of doing your own network audit, you need to get your arms around who you’re connected to. Look to your inbox(es), your messages list(s), and your phone log(s) to see who you’re spending the most time conversing with. Write down their names on one long list to have them all in one place.

I do my audits in a spreadsheet, but you can use pen and paper. Whatever floats your boat. The point of the exercise is to create the list so you can mark it up.

Close Contacts: Figuring out who’s among your close contacts is a fairly simple task, as you’ll know them once you see their names come up repeatedly in this research phase. Remember, these are the people who know you best AND have your best interest at heart AND will step up to help you if you ask. Put a star (*) to the left of their names or highlight them to make them stand out on the list. There really shouldn’t be more than a dozen or so people getting this Close Contacts designation, so think hard about who deserves the designation if you’ve got more than a dozen.

Network Trajectory: Now, we will assess each person’s trajectory within your network based on your interactions with them. Review all the names on your list, one by one, and ask yourself:

• Is this someone you see you’ve been getting closer to in the last 120 days (more frequent communications than before)? They’re getting warmer. Put plus (+) after their name.

• Is this someone you’ve been chasing over the last 120 days? They’re trending colder. Put a minus (-) after their name.

• Is this someone you’ve been interacting with steadily the last 120 days? They’re comfortably in your orbit, but taking up space in your marble jar. No mark next to their name, leave them plain.

Congratulations! Now you’ve got an audit of who you’re connected with and their trajectory within your network.

Looking across the annotated list should make it easy to spot your close contacts (*) and those who are getting closer to you (+). These are the people in your network that should be getting your attention, as they’re the ones you’re naturally interacting with because they’re bringing value to you.

And what about the rest of the names? These are the candidates for making room for people who can bring more value by being connected to you.

It all comes down to an economy of effort. After all, we’ve only got a limited amount of time and attention, so we want to use it wisely. Add more attention where you’re getting value, and begin to (or continue to) starve the people you’re not getting value from.

I’ve had more than one person point out to me the Mel Robbins podcast on “How to Build Closer Friendships & Get Rid of Loneliness,” in which she talks about friendships being for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime. The time-limited nature of these friendships speaks to the natural flow and trajectory of people within our networks, into and out of them.

However, how many of us take note of the trajectory our connections are on to do something about it?

I invite you to take some time this weekend to audit your network to see where you should be putting your efforts.

And, if you’d like my help with the process, I’m more than happy to provide some structure to your efforts. Just hit reply.

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