Feel Something? Say Something.

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Hi there, it’s Thomas.

Think about your closest relationships today versus ten years ago. Have they gotten deeper? Richer? Or do you find yourself feeling strangely more disconnected even from the people you love?

According to a 2023 meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin, the average adult reports having fewer close confidants than just a decade ago.

One culprit? We’re emotionally checking out.

We’re not investing emotional energy in our relationships like we used to. The reasons are obvious: phones, overpacked schedules, career burnout, and the endless demands of caregiving. Add in the illusion of closeness we get from social media, where we scroll through polished updates instead of real conversations and feel as if we’ve “caught up,” and it’s easy to see how our connections are quietly growing brittle.

Take a moment to think about how often you share your appreciation for your friendships. Are you being stingy with your emotions? Is it because you think they don’t need to hear it? Or are you afraid it’ll make things feel awkward? Whatever the reason you’re withholding, it needs to stop.

This emotional disengagement doesn’t just make us feel lonely. It can literally impact our health. Research by Julianne Holt-Lunstad at BYU has shown that strong, emotionally expressive relationships are correlated with reduced stress, lower inflammation, and even lower mortality risk.

The Emotional ROI of Speaking Up

The good news? Rebuilding intimacy doesn’t require grand gestures or hours of deep conversation. In fact, it can start with a single, heartfelt sentence:

This kind of emotional sharing costs almost nothing, but the impact is immense. According to a 2022 study in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people vastly underestimate how meaningful it is when someone reaches out to express appreciation or warmth.

You know that feeling you get when someone who has a constant presence in your life (a friend, a sibling, a coworker) intentionally pauses the conversation to tell you how much they appreciate you? It’s like being reminded of everything we have to be grateful for that we take for granted each and every day. What had been unseen in the background is suddenly front and center in a very positive way.

It’s like seeing the world through a new set of eyes. Everything is similar, but somehow changed for the better.

Think back to the last time someone surprised you with a kind message. Didn’t it feel like a bolt of joy? Why wouldn’t you want to create that feeling for someone else?

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Words That Keep Friendships Alive

Now you know you want to make it happen, but you’re at a loss for words?

Here are a few phrases that can strengthen any relationship, and they only take seconds to share:

• “I always feel better after we talk.”

• “I’ve been thinking about you and hope you’re doing okay.”

• “I love that you just said that. You always make me laugh.”

• “Thanks for showing up. You mean a lot to me.”

• “I missed you. Want to catch up soon?”

These aren’t heavy or awkward. You can send them by text or say them out loud. They’re simple emotional handshakes.

They’re little reinforcements that say: we matter to each other.

Feelings Are the Glue

Sharing how you feel isn’t a vulnerability to be feared; it’s the glue that holds your social life together. And the older we get, the more critical that glue becomes.

As researchers like Robin Dunbar have noted, our social circles naturally shrink over time. Without regular deposits of emotional energy, even your closest friendships can start to fade.

And with all the divisive rhetoric that’s being thrown around the world these days, the onus is on each of us to feed our connections to those closest to us.

The world’s conspiring to push us into isolation.

Don’t let that happen on your watch.

This Week’s Friendship Challenge

Think of three people who matter to you—but who may not know just how much. Before the end of the week, send each of them a short message that shares a real feeling.

Tell them what you admire. What you miss. How they’ve helped you. Or how they simply make your life better.

No disclaimers. No emojis. No overthinking. Just be real. That’s the whole point.

And who knows? You might just receive something heartfelt in return.

Have you ever received an out-of-the-blue compliment about one of your friendships? How did it make you feel? How long did it take to pass it along to someone else? Let me know! Your email goes straight to my inbox. 🙏