Forget FOMO. Got FOGO?

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Hey there,

Just how common is the fear of getting old? It’s so common that this fear (in nerd-speak: gerontophobia) even has its own acronym: FOGO, “Fear of Getting Old.”

A survey of 2088 American adults found that 87% had at least one fear about getting old.

When I think of my fears about growing old, my primary concerns revolve around getting around, paying for things, and not losing my mind.

These fears motivate me to do what I can to prevent the inevitable declines in my physical health (by working out), my financial health (by saving and investing), and my mental health (by learning new things: guitar, Japanese, patience).

I’m especially motivated because I’ve seen the toll it takes on people who reach retirement age and find they lack in one or more of these areas of health.

Why live longer if it’s just a matter of scraping by to survive?

That’s what fuels my FOGO.

It’s only recently, however, that I’ve learned there’s a fourth area of health that acts as a buffer against the other three: our social health.

We’re hearing more and more that staying socially connected is good for you as you age. But new research is helping us understand exactly how it works, and why it’s time to pay attention not just to the size of your social network but also to its shape.

The journal Innovation in Aging recently published the results of a decade-long study tracking aging adults and their social networks. In it, researchers identified three distinct network types:

• Enriched networks: Broad connections across family, friends, community, and activities. High rates of marriage, low levels of loneliness, and high engagement in life.

• Focused networks: Small but close-knit social circles. These are often “ride-or-die” relationships—frequent contact, shared trust, and emotional support.

• Restricted networks: Sparse, mostly family-based connections. Lower marriage rates, fewer outside relationships, and the highest levels of loneliness.

Some of the key facts from the study include:

• Health Disparities: Older adults in restricted networks had the poorest health outcomes.

• Social Mobility: Over 40% of individuals in focused networks moved into enriched ones.

• Structural Barriers: Women, people of color, and the oldest adults were most at risk of social network decline.

As I read the report, here’s what stood out to me as the fate we’re all up against unless we do something about it:

Over time, ‘Restricted’ networks became more common, and loneliness increased.

Just like our muscles atrophy with age and our savings decrease as we spend them down, our networks naturally get smaller as we grow older due to the many scatterings we go through as part of living: divorce, kids to college, retirement, and moving.

But just as in the other areas of our health, we can at least take action to reverse this inevitable decline.

The study showed that Focused networks (those with just a few meaningful connections) were the ones that showed the most mobility.

In other words, people with small but strong ties were the most likely to build out richer, more diverse networks over time. But that had to put the work in.

Put another way: you don’t go to the gym just once to maintain your physical health. Your work on your social health requires time and attention, too.

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This research isn’t just for people in retirement homes.

It’s for all of us in our 30s, 40s, 50s, who still have the time and opportunity to shape the networks we’ll rely on for connection, health, and joy later in life.

And, more importantly, it’s for all of us with aging parents or loved ones.

Because while we might be managing our own social health, they may quietly be slipping into more Restricted networks, whether due to life transitions, mobility changes, or simple social drift.

Helping them expand or deepen their networks isn’t just an act of kindness: it’s a long-term investment in their well-being.

So how do we avoid letting our social networks shrink with age?

Start now.

• Say yes to the invitation.

• Join the community choir or the weekend hiking group.

• Invite your dad to a book club.

• Take your mom to the community garden and introduce her to someone new.

• Ask your neighbor to coffee.

• Rekindle an old and cold connection.

And don’t stop there. Do it again next month.

Here’s another truth:

Social networks aren’t fixed. But they don’t expand on their own.

You have to decide that you want more life in your life, and then take the small, brave steps to build it.

Whether you’re adding a new face to your circle or helping someone you love move from Restricted to Focused to Enriched, you’re not just changing their day.

You’re changing their future.

And yours, too.

Am I the only one who’s just recently become aware of the impact of social health? What’s been your experience with minding your social health? Do you have something you think could help others? Tell me so I can spread the word. Hit reply and your email goes straight to my inbox. 🙏