Friendship Has Seasons: Let Yours Breathe and Bloom

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Hey there,

Friendship isn’t static. It shifts, drifts, bends, and, if you’re lucky, sometimes bounces back even stronger. Like all living things, the energy we put into our relationships goes through cycles: generation, degeneration, regeneration.

And it’s all perfectly normal.

When I was younger, I used to think that if a friendship faded, it meant it failed, that I’d done something wrong, or that the connection was broken beyond repair. But time (and a few hard-earned lessons) has shown me that sometimes, the healthiest thing a friendship can do is take a breath.

One of my closest friends from college and I didn’t speak for ten years. Not because of some dramatic falling out, but because life happened. Careers launched, kids arrived, one of us moved cross-country (and back again). We fell out of sync. But then—on a random Tuesday—I saw a photo of us on my phone from years back. A moment that still made me smile. I sent it with a “this popped up today and made me think of you” message.

Within five minutes, he replied. Within a week, we were on the phone. And just like that, we were us again. Not exactly the same version as before, but maybe something even better: two people who had lived more, grown more, and still wanted to make space for each other. Our friendship had regenerated.

That’s the thing about genuine friendship: it doesn’t demand daily proof. It knows how to wait.

But how do you know when it’s real (and waiting) or degenerated into an old and cold connection that’s not coming back?

You’ve got to put in the effort to regenerate it.

You’ve got to try.

And, to be honest, many of my efforts to rekindle friendships have not gone so swimmingly.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve sent a “thinking of you” text that was initially received well, but our efforts to reconnect died in the logistics of finding time for a call.

It only makes sense. We only have so much time and energy to spend on friendships: making them, maintaining them, rekindling them.

I’m constantly meeting new people and deciding whether to invest time and energy to nurture them into acquaintances that become friends.

Because my time and attention are finite, I have to decide where (and in whom) to invest them. And because my goals and priorities evolve, these decisions change, as well.

You know what? The people on the other side of the connection are running the same calculus, too.

Knowing this helps to take the sting out of the failure of my outreach efforts.

And it also helps remind me that just because I try and fail once doesn’t mean it’s completely done.

Generation. Degeneration. Regeneration.

It’s the natural flow of friendship energy through everyone we meet.

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The Cycles and Cycling of Friendship

I’ve had friendships that surge into months of regular contact and then gently fade into the background, only to surge again when the timing is right.

I’ve learned to go with the energy flow of these friendships because friendships, like gardens, need different things at different times.

Some require regular tending.

Some go dormant.

And some need a little pruning to make space for new growth.

But all require intention.

There will be seasons when you’re generating new friendships—joining a new club, starting a new job, saying yes to plans you might usually decline.

There will be seasons when certain friendships slowly wither, not out of malice, just out of misalignment or neglect.

And if you’re lucky, there will be seasons of regeneration: when a once-familiar voice re-enters your life and reminds you why the connection mattered in the first place.

When we’re with others, especially those who truly see us, we tend to be more ourselves. We listen better. We laugh more easily. We give the benefit of the doubt. We show up. And in doing so, we invite the best version of them to show up, too.

But sometimes, a relationship needs space before it can grow again.

And that’s okay.

So here’s your invitation:

Take stock of your friendships this week.

Which ones feel life-giving? Which ones might be in a quiet season? Which ones are worth watering again?

Reach out. Reconnect. Recommit.

Friendship isn’t a perfect science: it’s a living, breathing thing.

Let it evolve.

Let it rest.

Let it return.

And above all, invest in the people that still make you feel like your best self.

What’s been your experience with the cycles of friendship? Do you have something you think could help others? Just hit reply — your email goes straight to my inbox. 🙏