The Networking Power of "I Don't Know"

Hi there, happy Thursday!

Welcome to issue #34 of the Network Wrangler.

In today’s newsletter, thanks to a reader request, we’re digging into two social skills that will help you catalyze your network and solidify your connections.

I’ll show you how expressing your vulnerability helps you create new connections and how focusing on understanding the emotions and needs of the other will strengthen those connections.

Have a question about networking that you’d like to see addressed in a future issue? Simply hit reply to let me know. Now, on with the issue…

How Not Knowing Catalyzes Your Networking

“I don’t know.”

Saying these three words used to make my cheeks glow from embarrassment. It was an admission that I avoided at all costs, sometimes even feigning to know the answer until I could figure it out in private.

I was well into my thirties before I finally learned that saying this simple yet powerful “I don’t know” was perfectly acceptable in mixed company.

More than acceptable, it was the exact right phrase to use to create connections with others. Once I started admitting it more often (now without flushed cheeks!), those new connections assembled into networks that unlocked numerous opportunities in my personal and professional lives.

This all happened because I discovered that admitting I did not know something wasn’t a fatal flaw of mine.

I recognize now that I was raised in a household where I was praised for being smart and knowing all the things. So, saying “I don’t know” conveyed vulnerability and even (gasp!) laziness, and I did everything I could to avoid being put in a position to admit I didn’t know.

I’d spent decades avoiding admitting my ignorance out of a misplaced sense of independence, self-sufficiency, and pride. However, I finally learned that this act of vulnerability opens the possibility of connections between people.

We humans are prosocial beings who want to help each other out. When something is missing, we want to fill that void.

Saying “I don’t know” makes us approachable because it demonstrates that we’re imperfect humans, just like everyone else.

Saying “I don’t know” relieves us of the self-imposed burden of working hard to know everything (hey, lookie there: wave at me in my twenties!).

Saying “I don’t know” invites others to join us on an adventure to figure it out together.

You’re undoubtedly reading this newsletter because you are a lifelong learner with a growth mindset. Flex this remarkable character trait by sprinkling “I don’t know, let’s find out” into your everyday conversations, and you’ll attract other open-minded and curious people to your side.

And isn’t sense-making and learning together what we crave when connecting with other humans? There’s simply no stopping a bunch of well-connected curious people from changing the world. Go find your tribe.

How many times can you say “I don’t know, let’s find out” this weekend? Let me know on Monday.

The Role of Empathy in Effective Networking

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, is a cornerstone emotion to successful networking. At the heart of building your network lies your capacity to forge meaningful and supportive relationships.

Empathy enhances these connections by enabling deeper communication and fostering trust and respect. It’s one of those soft skills that companies are finally starting to realize is critical to long-term success.

Even if you're in a place that doesn’t outwardly recognize empathy as mission-critical, here’s why empathy is critical to your own networking and how you can use it to enrich your personal and professional interactions.

1. Build Stronger Connections
   Empathy allows you to see situations from another person's perspective, creating a deeper understanding of their experiences and challenges.
   
   When you’re seeking to provide value to others, this understanding can help you provide more targeted advice, support, and encouragement, which strengthens the bond between you and your connections.
   
   People are far more likely to engage with and remember someone who made them feel heard and understood.
   

2. Enhance Communication
   You only have so much time in your day to connect with others (and they with you). Effective communication is essential in networking, and empathy improves how you interact with others.
   
   Empathy allows you to tailor your communication style to better align with the other person's emotional state and needs. This sensitivity can make discussions more fruitful and ensure your messages are received positively.
   
   People are far more likely to want to continue connecting with someone who has tailored their message specifically for them.
   

3. Facilitating Mutual Benefits
   Networking is most effective when it is mutually beneficial. Most humans are quick to intuit when someone’s trying to take advantage of us, to get something for nothing, ad we react accordingly.
   
   Empathy helps you identify what the other person values and needs, allowing you to find opportunities that can benefit both parties, to find the win-win.
   
   Understanding another person’s goals and challenges means you can offer relevant opportunities and connections, making the relationship valuable for both of you.
   

4. Overcoming Differences
   Professional environments often bring together individuals from diverse backgrounds and viewpoints.
   
   Empathy is key to navigating these differences, as it helps you find common ground and foster inclusivity. By appreciating and respecting diverse perspectives, you can expand your network across wider circles, and you can leverage this diversity to expand your own thinking and impact.
   
   And if you’re not finding diversity where you work? Well, you know what to do. Find someplace where there is diversity or network to bring diversity to where you already are.
   

5. Building Long-Term Relationships
   Empathetic networking isn’t focused solely on immediate gains. It’s about building relationships that last. It takes effort to be empathetic, but the return on investment is exponential.
   
   By consistently showing empathy, you establish trust and loyalty, which are the foundations of long-term professional relationships. And you cement a reputation as being someone worthy of being invited into more networking opportunities.

Want to begin building your empathy muscle? Start by listening actively during conversations, asking thoughtful questions, and showing genuine interest in the answers. Aim to speak only 30% of the time to give your conversation partner ample opportunity to talk about themselves. Reflect on their emotions and underlying needs and consider how you can help meet those needs.

By prioritizing empathy in your networking efforts, you create a supportive network that advances your career and enriches your professional journey. And when you bring those same empathetic skills to your personal life? Magic.

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