Preparing for Holiday Party Socializing

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Hi there,

Welcome to issue #46 of the Network Wrangler.

We’ve got just six more issues until the end of the year, and now’s a good time to start getting ready for all the holiday parties upcoming on your calendar.

I’d invite you to leave your hardcore networking hat at home as you attend holiday parties this year, and instead focus on simply connecting with new people or, as the case may be, reconnecting with people you haven’t seen in a year.

Now, this isn’t a hall pass to be introverted all season. Think of this as your excuse to slip into the real spirit of the holidays: to share acts (large and small) of human kindness.

Human kindness is deeply rooted in connection, and your gift this holiday season can be taking a proactive role in connecting with others.

The best way to be proactive in connecting is to start the conversation instead of waiting for others to do so.

And what’s the best way to start a conversation? By asking a question. More specifically, by asking an interesting question.

Of utmost importance, however, is to avoid the doom loop of “Hi, how are you?” “Fine, how are you?” that leaves you no better off than when you started.

Your first question should start with observing things in context and bringing up relevant information.

So, in a party setting, it could be “how do you know the hosts?” or commenting on what’s happening in the room or asking what is one thing they’d add to the hors d’ouevres table and the thing it would replace (bonus: and why?).

And once you’ve asked your first interesting question, wait for your conversation partner to volley one back your way. If they don’t, take another turn to bring them out of their shell.

And from there, the next question will flow naturally as you pass the queries back and forth.

Success is when you work together to keep the conversation flowing.

Are you one of those people who feels like you need to prepare to be a good conversationalist? I feel you.

So here’s your homework: Before you get to your first party this season, embrace the Dale Carnegie axiom of “to be interesting, be interested.”

I interpret this to mean we should strive to live a good life, which includes pursuing interests in culture, academia, and travel. Here’s where being a liberal arts major has really paid off for me.

When we’re interested in many things, we’ll be more equipped to take an interest in what others have to say. And that means asking interesting questions will come naturally as part of the way we already move through our daily lives.

If you feel this needs some professional relevance to get you motivated, here’s where it gets even more interesting (see what I did there?).

Use your holiday party interactions to practice the 43:57 rule.

This rule comes from a 2016 study of sales calls that found that interactions where the salesperson talked just 43% of the time and listened 57% of the time had the highest sales yield.

This is in stark contrast to the typical B2B sales conversation where the sales rep talks 65-75% of the time.

I know you can do better. We all can do better.

Just start with an interesting question.

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Steps to Thaw Your Cold Outreach on LinkedIn

If you’ve spent any time on LinkedIn, you’ve been the recipient of a message from some stranger out of the blue. They’re typically trying to sell you some service, and they’re not very subtle about it.

More often than not, these messages leave a lot to be desired in grabbing attention or showing relevance. They’re quick and easy to produce and send, so it’s a game of numbers for the sender, hoping someone in the thousands of outbound messages will respond.

If you react to these messages in any way like I do, these cold inbounds quickly move into the trash.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit this very behavior has a chilling effect on my own efforts to reach out to people that I don’t yet know on LinkedIn.

The truth is, I fear my LinkedIn message to someone I’m not connected with will suffer a similar quick diversion into their digital dust bin.

But I’ve found a way to warm things up on LinkedIn so that when I do send across my first message, I get a positive response.

It involves making your presence known in a friendly way, over a period of time (weeks), before contacting them with your ultimate request.

Here’s the step-by-step process once you’ve found someone on LinkedIn that you share no connections with but want to make a request of:

1. On your first visit to their profile page, navigate to their Activity section and click to view their most recent posts.

2. Read what they’ve written/shared, and, as appropriate, react to the posts that resonate with you. Don’t react to all posts, mind you (that gets a bit stalk-ish), but react to the select few that have insights or content that aligns with the way you think.

3. Click the “+Follow” button on their profile page to make it easier to find them again.

4. Once you’ve reacted to posts, they’ll see you’ve noticed them. That’s all you want them to see at this stage of warming up.

   
   Go away and leave them alone.
   

5. When they’ve posted new content again (you’ll receive a notification since you’re now following them), go take a look and react to it. If you have something worth contributing as a comment, now’s the time to do so (don’t comment just for the sake of commenting: add value). They’ll see you’re interacting with them again in a more visible way. That’s all you want them to see at this stage of warming up.
   

6. Go away and leave them alone.
   

7. Next time you get notified they’ve posted something, repeat step 5 above. If you have nothing worth commenting about, simply use one of the react buttons.
   
   (Again, don’t comment just for the sake of commenting. If you can’t add value, just leave it alone. How do you know if you’ve added value? Others will react to your comment.)
   

8. After you’ve commented on their activity at least three times, you can now send across your message, comfortable knowing it won’t get treated like some odd cold approach. After all, you’ve warmed them up to your being around and interacted with them previously. They’ll know who you are and react well to your inbound message.

And, to answer the question I already know is coming, (“What if they’re not active on LinkedIn?”) your message is likely not going to be seen in their LinkedIn inbox, anyway. Best to find an alternate way of contacting them, or find someone who can make the introduction for you.

But if they are active, the above process is the best way to slowly approach them and add value before making your request.

Best of luck warming up those connections!

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