Remember, It's Survival of the Kindest

Hi there,

Welcome to issue #44 of the Network Wrangler.

We’re less than a week from the presidential elections here in the United States, and I, for one, will be glad when all the campaigning is over and the vote-counting and certifying can begin.

While voting is something we each do alone, the counting and the certifying is a series of collaborative practices involving many individuals working together to do their part to help identify who the next President of the United States will be.

It’s frustrating times like these that I find myself tempted to fall into the evolutionary pattern of denigrating those I disagree with and questioning their very humanity.

News cycles are full of stories with the latest verbal atrocities uttered by one side or the other as the publishers desperately try to lure the eyeballs and attention that will drive up their profits.

In light of this, I’m grateful for many things:

• I don’t live in one of the swing states where the advertising barrage is near constant.

• I’ve got a healthy balance of moderate political types in my network so the worst of the fringe thinking doesn’t invade my attention sphere.

• I don’t watch live television on a regular basis.

• There’s less than a week to go.

And, to add the gratitude cherry on top: this past week, the gods of serendipity found it worthwhile to drop the book Survival of the Friendliest: Understanding Our Origins and Rediscovering Our Common Humanity by Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods at the top of my reading list. I highly, highly recommend this book.

See, my friend, Christian, recommended this book to me months ago based on his knowing my fascination with Charles Darwin’s work after The Origin of Species was published.

Most of us know that Charles Darwin included the phrase “survival of the fittest” in the fifth printing of Species. But that wasn’t his biggest discovery, nor was it his final say on evolution.

After he published the theory of evolution, Charles Darwin’s ongoing research with Alfred Wallace led to their discovery that there’s empathy and sympathy within and across animal species that leads to animals working in groups for survival.

So, Charles Darwin and Alfred Wallace’s more important and appropriate observation regarding evolution is that it’s “Survival of the Kindest” not simply “Survival of the Fittest.”

Through this kindness, we rediscover our common humanity, even as the dehumanizing campaign rhetoric reaches a fever pitch.

Let me explain why.

Survival of the Kindest: How Human Success is Rooted in Empathy and Cooperation

Homo sapiens’s success as a species is often attributed to intelligence, adaptability, and mastery over resources. But deeper insight reveals that our triumph is not merely due to our capacity to compete, but also to cooperate—an idea intertwined with empathy, compassion, and what Charles Darwin and Alfred Wallace first termed “the survival of the kindest.”

Our evolutionary story, and how we succeeded when homo erectus and the Neanderthals did not, demonstrates that cooperative tendencies, shaped by a deep-seated theory of mind, have driven our success far more than aggressive, self-centered tactics.

While this interpretation has roots in Charles Darwin's theory of evolution, modern evolutionary biology continues to reveal that traits promoting kindness and altruism have allowed us to thrive in the long term.

Darwin’s Insights: Beyond the Survival of the Fittest

Charles Darwin is often misattributed as championing a “survival of the fittest” mantra that promotes individual competition above all else. However, Darwin and Wallace considered empathy and cooperation essential to the advancement of social animals, including humans.

In The Descent of Man, Darwin observed, “Those communities, which included the greatest number of the most sympathetic members, would flourish best, and rear the greatest number of offspring.” Darwin and Wallace saw that the qualities of sympathy and cooperation were as vital as strength in survival, especially for complex social species like humans.

Building on Darwin’s ideas, evolutionary scientists have uncovered that cooperation, rather than raw competition, fosters stronger, more resilient communities. Social structures built on trust and mutual aid encourage group success, which ultimately reinforces individual survival.

Such cooperation isn't merely a nicety; it is embedded in human physiology. For instance, oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone,” enhances prosocial behaviors and fosters trust and empathy, underscoring our biological predisposition to form meaningful connections.

And this physiology isn’t limited just to humans. The biological predispositions have been demonstrated in select breeding of many species of animals including mice, dogs, and foxes, among others.

The Survival of the Friendliest covers lots more examples like these (yes, go read it!)

Theory of Mind and the Evolution of Kindness

Human success is closely tied to theory of mind—the capacity to understand that others have thoughts, desires, and emotions different from our own. Theory of mind is the cognitive foundation for empathy and altruism; it allows us to imagine ourselves in others’ shoes and to extend help even when it does not yield immediate personal gain.

This mental capacity enables us to prioritize group welfare over individual survival, strengthening social bonds and the likelihood of survival. And the mental capacity is aided by our physiology, too: the placement of our eyes on the front of our head, the size of the whites of our eyes to easily see where we are looking, and the way our ears pick up sounds.

We, as babies, even begin to develop our theory of mind as early as one year old as we begin to follow where our parents are pointing to get our attention. It only gets stronger from there.

Theory of mind allows us to intuitively assess the needs and emotions of others, leading to behaviors that are foundational to cooperation.

When early humans formed tight-knit groups where kindness and mutual support were paramount, they were more likely to secure food, avoid danger, and raise offspring collectively. Such groups thrived over those who relied solely on self-centered aggression.

Altruism ensured that our species could navigate complex social landscapes, adapt to environmental challenges, and eventually spread across continents.

Short-Term Gains: The Pitfalls of Aggression and Dehumanization

While kindness underpins long-term success, history is replete with examples of individuals and groups that resort to aggression, selfishness, or dehumanization to achieve short-term gains.

Aggression and dominance tactics can yield immediate rewards, such as access to resources or control over others. However, these strategies come at a high social cost and often alienate individuals from the very group dynamics essential for long-term survival.

And this aggression isn’t just physical, but it includes dehumanization—the psychological process of denying others their humanity. And this dehumanization has been used to justify atrocities ranging from slavery to genocide.

Dehumanizing language and behavior serve to diminish empathy and justify aggression, creating a divide that serves the aggressor in the short term but often leads to isolation and even collective downfall.

For instance, historical leaders who ruled through fear and violence saw their empires fracture, as mistrust and resentment grew within their own ranks.

On an individual level, those who exploit others may find temporary success, but they erode the trust necessary for stable relationships and communities. The success is mercifully short-lived, even if painful for others to endure.

Long-Term Success: How Kindness Prevails

In contrast, individuals and communities that foster kindness, support, and cooperation often experience greater success and longevity.

This dynamic is visible on both individual and societal levels. Individuals who prioritize relationships, support networks, and empathy build a resilient social structure that supports them through hardship, loss, or illness.

Communities and societies founded on principles of mutual aid, like the cooperative economic models found in many indigenous societies, have historically thrived even in harsh conditions due to their emphasis on shared resources and collective welfare.

Psychologist Dacher Keltner, Director of UC Berkeley’s Social Interaction Lab, emphasizes that “survival of the kindest” is foundational to human development and evolution. Research has shown that kind, cooperative individuals are more likely to find supportive social circles, professional networks, and stable family environments.

These individuals often live longer, healthier lives, as social connections and altruism are linked to reduced stress and improved immune function.

On a global scale, nations that prioritize social support systems, inclusivity, and humanitarian values experience more stability and prosperity.

Denmark, for instance, is consistently ranked as one of the happiest countries due to its emphasis on collective welfare, strong social systems, and a culture of empathy.

These qualities are crucial in a globalized world where cooperation is essential to address challenges like climate change, global health crises, and economic inequality.

Kindness as an Evolutionary Advantage

While short-term gains may tempt humans toward self-interest and aggression, the broader arc of evolution and human history shows that kindness, cooperation, and empathy are the traits that promote long-term success.

Darwin recognized the role of sympathy and cooperation in human survival, and contemporary studies continue to underscore the benefits of nurturing communities built on trust and altruism.

Ultimately, it is not the fittest individuals in isolation but rather the kindest communities that ensure the survival and success of our species.

In a world that often appears driven by competition and self-interest, the hidden truth of our evolution reminds us that kindness is not a weakness but our greatest strength.

The principle of “survival of the kindest” offers a powerful blueprint for a future rooted in empathy, cooperation, and shared prosperity.

The Choice We Make Next Tuesday

The closing arguments of the two candidates for President of the United States are starkly different, and this gap in mindsets illustrates the two evolutionary paths we voters must choose from.

On the one hand, there’s the short-term success of aggression and dehumanization of others. It’s a world dominated by fear of others and promises to protect from these imagined fears. This argument plays to our basest instincts and represents a giant slip back down the evolutionary climb we’ve made over the last centuries.

On the other hand, there’s the long-term success of unity and collaboration and kindness. This is in the same vein as the behaviors that enabled homo sapiens to beat out our closest human rivals, homo erectus and the Neanderthals, to become the dominant and thriving species we are today.

Regardless of who ultimately wins at the ballot box, I hope you’ll join me in reaching out to others in your own networks to remind them we are all in this together. Given all the noise in our collective conscience, don’t underestimate the sparkle and uplift seeing your name in their inbox will bring.

It’s through empathy and cooperation that we’ll find our shared prosperity, no matter who sits in the Oval Office.

None of this is possible without your individual participation in our democracy. Be sure to get out and VOTE!

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