Hi {{first_name|there}}, it’s Thomas.

One of the most common ways we think about personality is through the lens of introversion and extroversion.

Most of us have heard the explanation by now. Extroverts gain energy from being around other people, while introverts recharge through solitude. While there is certainly truth in that distinction, I have increasingly come to believe it misses something important.

The real question is not whether people energize you or drain you.

The real question is: which people?

If you're anything like me, you have probably walked away from certain conversations feeling depleted. The interaction wasn't necessarily unpleasant. The other person may have been perfectly kind, interesting, and well-intentioned. Yet afterward, you felt a little more tired than before.

Then there are the other conversations.

The ones that seem to bend time. The ones where an hour disappears in what feels like ten minutes. The ones where ideas flow, curiosity sparks, and you leave feeling more energized than when you arrived.

Those people are different.

Not better. Not more valuable. Just different for you.

And finding them may be one of the most important social skills we can develop.

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When we talk about social well-being, we often focus on loneliness, belonging, and friendship. Those are important topics, but there is another signal worth paying attention to: energy.

Every relationship creates an energetic effect.

Some people calm us. Some challenge us. Some inspire us. Some exhaust us. Some bring out our best thinking. Others leave us feeling like we're performing a version of ourselves rather than simply being ourselves.

Psychologists often talk about emotional contagion, the phenomenon where moods, attitudes, and behaviors spread through social interaction. We know that the people around us influence our stress levels, our optimism, our habits, and even our physical health.

It stands to reason, then, that some relationships become sources of energy while others become sources of depletion.

The trick is learning to notice the difference.

Longtime readers of The Network Wrangler are already familiar with the idea of social wealth. Like financial wealth, social wealth is built through investments that compound over time.

Most people diversify their financial portfolios. They understand that placing every dollar into a single stock creates unnecessary risk.

The same principle applies to relationships.

A healthy social wealth portfolio includes family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, mentors, community members, and acquaintances. Each contributes something different. Diversity matters because it creates resilience.

But diversification alone is not enough.

You also need quality.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies on happiness and well-being ever conducted, arrived at a remarkably simple conclusion: the quality of our relationships is one of the strongest predictors of health, happiness, and longevity.

Not the number of relationships. The quality.

Which raises an important question: How many of the people in your life genuinely energize you?

One essay I recently encountered described these people as your "5 percenters."

The idea is simple. Most interactions are neutral or mildly draining. But a small percentage of people, usually about one in twenty, consistently leave you feeling more alive, more hopeful, more curious, and more fully yourself.

These are the people who make you want to pick up the phone and call them with good news. They are the friends whose names appear on your screen and immediately improve your mood. They are the people who seem to create possibility simply by being present.

You probably already know who they are.

The challenge is that many of us treat these relationships the same way we treat every other relationship. We assume they'll take care of themselves.

Unfortunately, they won't.

Like every meaningful asset in your social wealth portfolio, they require investment.

Finding your energizing people is only the first step.

The greater challenge is intentionally weaving them into your life.

One of the most profound ideas I've encountered came from a business owner describing his decades-long partnership with his brother. When asked what it was like working with family, he answered with surprising simplicity:

"The secret to life is finding people you love and then doing life with them."

That phrase has stayed with me because it captures something many of us overlook.

Friendship is not merely about occasional connection. It is about shared experience.

The strongest relationships are rarely built through annual catch-ups. They are built through repeated interaction. Shared projects. Regular dinners. Weekly walks. Standing coffee dates. Long road trips. Volunteer work. Book clubs. Fitness classes.

In other words, the friendships that matter most become integrated into the fabric of daily life.

The more opportunities you create to do life alongside your most energizing people, the more social wealth you accumulate.

This may sound a bit woo-woo, but hear me out.

Many adults spend enormous effort maintaining relationships out of obligation, history, or convenience. There is nothing wrong with that. Loyalty matters. Long-term relationships matter.

But if you want a socially rich life, you also need to pay attention to where your energy naturally flows.

The people who light you up are giving you valuable information.

They are showing you where connection feels easiest, where curiosity feels most natural, and where your authentic self is most likely to emerge.

As we get older, time becomes increasingly precious. We cannot invest deeply in every relationship. But we can become more intentional about nurturing the relationships that nourish us most.

Because social wealth is not merely about having people in your life.

It is about having the right people in your life often enough that their energy becomes part of your own.

Before next week's newsletter arrives, identify three people who consistently leave you feeling energized after you spend time with them.

Not the people you think you should choose. Not the people with the highest status or the longest history. Choose the people who genuinely leave you feeling more alive, hopeful, creative, or understood.

Then reach out to one of them and make a plan that goes beyond catching up.

Invite them into your life. Take a walk together. Work on a project. Share a meal. Join an activity.

Create an experience that allows you to do life together rather than simply talk about life.

Pay attention to how you feel afterward.

Your social wealth portfolio grows strongest when you invest not only in connection, but in the relationships that feed your energy and remind you who you are at your best.

Go be with your five percenters.

What’s been your experience finding your 5%ers? Do you have something you think could help others zoom in on their 1-in-20? Just hit reply — your email goes straight to my inbox. 🙏