Hi {{first_name|there}}, it’s Thomas.

A few years ago, when I started writing this newsletter, I began doing something that felt surprisingly uncomfortable.

Every few weeks, I'd think of someone I hadn't spoken to in years and send them a short message. Sometimes it was prompted by an old photograph. Sometimes I heard a song that reminded me of them. Occasionally, they simply crossed my mind while I was making coffee.

The response I got back was almost always positive. "Great to hear from you." "I was just thinking about you." "We really should catch up."

And yet, despite the growing body of evidence in how often those conversations ended well, I still felt a moment of hesitation before pressing Send. There was always that little voice asking, Is this weird? Why now? Will they wonder what I want?

I've since learned that this hesitation is almost universal. Most of us carry a quiet reluctance to reconnect with people from our past, even though the rewards often far outweigh the brief awkwardness.

I’ve done the research to understand the myriad reasons we should reconnect with old and cold connections. But even without the quantified benefits laid out, I've wondered why we feel compelled to revive old and cold connections in the first place.

And I've realized there are three powerful forces pulling us back toward them. Understanding those motivations doesn't just explain our behavior. They also reveal why reconnecting is one of the smartest investments we can make in our social wealth.

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Sometimes the simplest explanation is the correct one.

There are people who mattered to us at one point in our lives, for whatever reason, and we genuinely want to know what became of them.

Did they end up pursuing the career they dreamed about? Did they ever move overseas? Are they happy? Did life treat them kindly?

This isn't idle curiosity. Psychologists have long observed that meaningful relationships leave lasting emotional traces, even after years of silence. Our brains don't file away people who were important to us as completed chapters. Instead, they remain unfinished stories that occasionally resurface, inviting us to discover what happened next.

When we reconnect, we're not trying to relive the past. We're acknowledging that someone who once shaped our life still occupies a meaningful place in our personal history.

More often than not, they're wondering about us, too.

One of the more surprising reasons we reach back into our past is that we're also reaching toward an earlier version of ourselves.

The people who knew us in high school, university, our first job, or our early years of marriage remember parts of our identity that newer friends never had the chance to witness. They knew us before the promotions, the children, the gray hair, the responsibilities, and all the accumulated weight of adulthood.

Spending time with those friends can reconnect us with qualities we may have forgotten we possessed. Our optimism. Our curiosity. Our adventurousness. Our willingness to take risks.

The conversation becomes less about nostalgia and more about continuity. It reminds us that today's version of ourselves didn't appear overnight. It grew from the person our old friends still remember.

That perspective can be remarkably grounding.

Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson suggested that one of the central tasks of later adulthood is making peace with the life we've lived. We naturally begin asking questions about meaning, accomplishment, regret, and fulfillment.

Old friends provide a unique mirror for that reflection.

They started from roughly the same place we did. They experienced many of the same cultural moments, graduated around the same time, and entered adulthood alongside us. Their lives unfolded differently, but from familiar beginnings.

Reconnecting offers perspective, not competition.

We begin to appreciate that there isn't one correct way to build a meaningful life. Some friends built remarkable careers. Others prioritized family. Others reinvented themselves several times over. Looking across these different paths often softens our own judgments about whether we're somehow ahead or behind.

Instead of measuring success against impossible standards (benevolently instilled by family), we see the richness of many different lives unfolding in many different ways.

That perspective is one of the unexpected gifts of reconnecting.

Of course, not every reunion unfolds perfectly.

People change. Values evolve. Some friendships ended for reasons that are better left in the past. Occasionally you'll discover that the chemistry simply isn't what it once was.

I have had more than a few reconnecting coffees that reminded me I didn’t need to reach out again.

And that's okay.

Social wealth isn't about preserving every relationship forever. It's about remaining open to the possibility that some dormant connections are simply waiting for someone to make the first move.

In my own experience, most reconnections don't become daily friendships again. They don't need to.

Some become occasional lunches. Some become annual check-ins. Some simply become the warm knowledge that someone who once mattered still exists somewhere in the world, cheering quietly for your success.

Others surprise you by becoming close friends once again.

The only way to discover which outcome awaits is to reach out.

We spend a great deal of time thinking about how to meet new people, expand our networks, and build future friendships.

Those investments matter enormously.

But one of the richest, most overlooked sources of social wealth already exists inside your own history.

Your old and cold connections don't require you to introduce yourself. They already know something about who you are. They carry shared memories, common experiences, and a foundation of trust that would take years to recreate from scratch.

Some of those relationships have reached their natural conclusion.

Many have simply been waiting for one thoughtful message.

As we grow older, managing our social wealth isn't only about creating new connections. It's about remembering that some of the strongest bridges we'll ever cross were built long ago.

All they may need is someone willing to walk across them again.

Before next week's newsletter arrives, think of three people you haven't spoken with in years.

Choose one person you simply wonder about. Choose another who reminds you of an earlier chapter of your life. Then choose someone whose story you'd genuinely like to hear.

Send one simple message.

You don't need a clever reason or a perfect excuse. A photograph, a memory, or even "You crossed my mind today, and I wanted to say hello" is enough.

Some conversations will end after a few messages.

Others may reopen a friendship you thought was gone forever.

Either way, you've invested in your social wealth by reminding someone that, despite the years, they were never completely forgotten.

What’s been your experience reaching out to old and cold connections? Do you have a funny story you think could help others get over their hesitation? Just hit reply — your email goes straight to my inbox. 🙏