Hi {{first_name|there}}, it’s Thomas.

I hear it all around me, all the time: at kids’ sports games, at the gym, at the coffeeshop, and on the train, too. People are talking about their struggle with loneliness.

We all say we want deeper friendships.

More community. More belonging. More people who know our story and show up in it.

And yet, in the subtle choreography of social life, most of us are waiting. Waiting for someone else to initiate. Waiting for someone else to ask the better question. Waiting for someone else to make the first move.

Meanwhile, everyone else is waiting too.

If connection feels scarce, it is often not because people don’t want it. It’s because no one wants to risk going first.

The solution is surprisingly simple: make it easier for people to know you.

Social interaction is a two-way dance. You can smile, maintain eye contact, and ask thoughtful questions. But connection doesn’t deepen unless the other person feels comfortable engaging as well.

Here’s the overlooked truth: most people are anxious about initiating conversation. They don’t know how to break the ice. They worry about saying the wrong thing. They fear awkward silence.

And if you're not one of these anxious folks? You're surrounded by them, and they can use your help overcoming their anxiety by sharing this simple trick.

When you make it easy for someone to approach you, you lower the barrier to connection.

And when you lower the barrier, more connections happen.

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Think about how many interactions stall because there’s nothing to grab onto.

You may think you’re being efficient. But you’re unintentionally creating friction.

Connection thrives on specifics.

Instead of:
“I’m in finance.”

Try:
“I work in investing. I help family-owned businesses grow or transition when owners are ready to retire.”

Instead of:
“Yeah, I like traveling.”

Try:
“I just got back from Amsterdam. The cycling culture surprised me. It’s inspiring to see so many people get around without cars.”

Specifics give people handles. Handles let them pull the conversation forward.

And when you offer those handles first, you make them look socially smooth. That generosity builds goodwill instantly.

Even something as simple as saying your name clearly and pairing it with context makes connection easier.

“My name is Thomas Kriese. We just moved here from San Diego and are still figuring out the neighborhood.”

Now your name has scaffolding. It has a place to sit in memory. It has a story attached. It has “tags” to help in recall: San Diego, new here, figuring things out, friendly.

That tiny effort increases the odds that the next time you see each other, they’ll greet you by name.

And being remembered is one of the most powerful bonding experiences we can have.

There is a social phenomenon called the “liking gap.” Research shows that after conversations, people consistently underestimate how much the other person liked them. We assume we came across as awkward or unimpressive, when in reality the other person enjoyed the exchange.

We are all harsher judges of ourselves than others are.

So if everyone is underestimating their social appeal, and everyone is waiting for someone else to initiate, the fastest way to unlock connection is to stop waiting.

Go first.

Offer context. Offer detail. Offer enthusiasm.

Make it easy for someone to know you, and you make it easy for them to like you.

Before the next newsletter lands in your inbox, practice being socially generous in three specific ways:

And then do one more thing:

Initiate one interaction you would normally wait on.

You’ll discover something quickly: most people are relieved when someone else takes the lead.

Connection is not found. It is created.

And the easiest way to create it is to make yourself easier to know.

What’s been your experience with going first? Do you have someone you've known for a long time but still don’t know their name? Let me know! You just might inspire me to suck it up and learn my neighbor’s name. 😀 🙏

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