Your Dog Might Be Your Best Friend, And That’s a Good Thing

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Hi there,

I recently listened to a great conversation with Robin Dunbar, my head nodding in agreement, constantly. He’s the Oxford anthropologist whose research gave us “Dunbar’s number,” the idea that we can only maintain around 150 meaningful social relationships at a time.

In the podcast that my good friend Mark had shared with me, Dunbar dropped a definition of “friend” that has been echoing in my mind ever since:

Think about that for a moment. Not just your go-to gym buddy. Not just your old college roommate or favorite coworker. A “friend,” by Dunbar’s definition, could be a neighbor, a cousin, a barista, a pet.

Yes, a pet.

And that got me thinking: If social support is the ultimate measure of friendship and if our physical and mental well-being as we age is directly tied to the strength of our social support network, then we’ve been thinking too narrowly about what “counts” as connection.

More on that after a word from this week’s sponsor.

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The Power of Pets as Social Support

According to Forbes Advisor, as of January 2025, a full 66% of U.S. households (that’s 86.9 million homes) include a pet.

Dogs lead the pack (har dee har, pun fully intended), followed by cats, fish, birds, and a whole ecosystem of furred, feathered, and scaled companions.

More than half of pet owners consider their pets as much a part of their family as any human. And 78% of current pet owners acquired their pets during the pandemic, a time when physical isolation made emotional connection more important than ever.

This isn’t just sentimentality. It’s backed by research.

A 2021 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that pet ownership is associated with lower levels of loneliness, especially among older adults. Another study in BMC Geriatrics revealed that seniors with pets experienced higher levels of emotional well-being and lower levels of social isolation, even when they lived alone.

In a world that increasingly feels disconnected, where social deserts outnumber social oases, pets might be our secret hydration source.

In my life, I’ve been the lucky caretaker for dogs and cats and chickens and, now, fish. With this new framework of “friend” I understand the beneficial social support of all those wagging tails, unending purrs, freshly laid eggs, and, um, whatever fish are good for.

I now have a new appreciation for the vital role that pets play in the lives of otherwise socially isolated adults. Not only are these pets their daily companions, but they’re also a gateway to start conversations with other pet owners. And those conversations can lead to acquaintanceships, and maybe even new friendships.

Redefining the Social Network

Dunbar’s framework reveals that our social network has layers. At the center are the 5 people we’re closest to, those we turn to first in times of joy or crisis. The next layer might include 15 close friends, then 50 friends, and so on, until we hit about 150 meaningful relationships total. Granted, these numbers are approximate, but they’re in the right ballpark.

But here’s the harsh, unswerving twist: we are losing people from our networks all the time. 

Gerald Mollenhurst’s studies show that we churn through about half of our close connections every seven years. That’s not failure. It’s life. People move, change jobs, grow apart, pass away.

It’s what I call Dunbar’s churn, and it’s inescapable.

The challenge, then, is how we replenish that network. How do we stay socially supported when life is constantly shifting beneath our feet?

Well, part of the answer might be curled up on your couch next to you.

When we broaden our view of social support to include nontraditional companions to include pets, neighbors we wave to daily, or the barista who remembers your order, we not only strengthen our own resilience, but we begin to spot new opportunities for connection.

Pets Are Great But Don’t Stop There

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love a dog’s tail wag as much as anyone. And there’s something sacred about the quiet, unconditional presence of a pet. But here’s the thing: a dog can’t text you back. A cat can’t (won’t?) call you on your birthday. A goldfish won’t show up when you need help moving.

Your human friendships matter, too. And just like pets, they require attention, affection, and effort.

Indeed, Dunbar’s studies have shown that we spend a full 20% of our entire waking day servicing our relationships so that when we need help, they’ll be there to help us.

This Week’s Challenge: Refresh Your Circles

Take 15 minutes this week to do a quick social audit, no spreadsheets required. Here’s how:

1. Write down your inner circle. Who are your top 5 people right now?

2. List your next circle. Who are 10–15 people you wish you were closer to?

3. Identify one action you can take to strengthen one of those relationships.

   • Send a “thinking of you” message

   • Invite someone for a walk or coffee

   • Give a genuine compliment or share a pebble

   • Ask about something they care about

Bonus challenge: Spend five minutes giving focused affection to a pet: yours or someone else’s. Let yourself soak in the oxytocin of connection.

Because whether it’s your lifelong friend or your rescue cat, your network is only as strong as the care you give it.

Let’s build friendships, furry or otherwise, that help us live longer, laugh more, and feel truly supported.

(Me? I’m off to clean the fish tank.)

How easy is it for you to think of your pet as your friend? Do you have an experience with pets you think could help others? Let me know, as I’d love to share it in my newsletter. Your email goes straight to my inbox. 🙏