Are Chatbots Coming for Your Connections?

Hi there, happy Thursday!

Welcome to issue #36 of the Network Wrangler.

Thanks for all your emails and comments about last week’s issue covering trusted referrals and network audits!

Over the long weekend, several of you asked me about the Networking Funnel of Connection, specifically how to move deeper down the funnel by strengthening connections with new contacts.

This led me to look back at all the “Chatbots as good friends” headlines I’ve been scanning over the last year as the promise and peril of Artificial Intelligence has grabbed our collective attention (and economy).

We humans love to anthropomorphize — to attribute humanlike qualities, behaviors, and emotions to — the nonhuman things we interact with: think of the way our dogs “talk” to us or whatever the hell those 2024 Paris Olympics mascots were.

It should come as no surprise that we anthropomorphize the tools (chatbots) we’ve built using conversational AI precisely because they’ve gotten so skilled at one of our biggest it’s-a-human cues: language.

Therein lies the key to demystifying it, though.

If you’ve tried any amount of prompt engineering to interact with the AI of your choice in the last 18 months, you’ve been confronted pretty quickly with the limits of your delegation skills. Can’t figure out how to tell someone what you want done? Don’t expect AI to magically fill in the gaps when your wants are sophisticated.

If you’ve spent any time on ChatGPT, you’ve learned it takes some planning and forecasting to write a good prompt to deliver exactly what you want. So, to get better at prompt engineering, you need to get better at delegating: if you start by pretending your AI is an eager but middling intern, you’re on the right path.

We can use the same line of thinking to figure out why people are getting emotionally attached to chatbots. To cut to the chase, chatbots are good at creating connections because they’re skilled in the art of small talk. They don’t tire of talking about the weather or exchanging niceties (they have infinite patience, after all), and this helps build the foundation for deeper, more serious discussions later, which improves your well-being.

If your capacity for delegating limits your ability to write productive AI prompts, then your capacity for small talk limits your ability to have serious discussions with other humans. And this can have cascading effects on your career and work and your overall well-being and connectedness.

So, today, let’s discuss how we can use small talk to strengthen our connections.

Keep those questions about networking coming… you’re great sources of inspiration for future issues. Now, let’s strengthen those weak connections...

Small Talk Your Way to Stronger Connections

This past weekend at a diner in Marin County, I heard a person at a nearby table loudly lament to her tablemate, “I hate small talk. Why do we waste time on surface things? Give me a deep discussion instead. I don’t have time for shallow things.”

On the one hand, I totally commiserated with her. I long for deep connections with others. On the other hand, I understand just how critical small talk is to deepening connections with other human beings, so it’s a necessary evil.

Small talk might seem trivial or awkward, but it plays a significant role in building stronger connections among the contacts you make. Engaging in casual conversations can set the stage for those more profound, more meaningful discussions later that enhance your professional relationships, improve your well-being, and create new opportunities for you to explore.

Here are my tips for mastering small talk to take those contacts you’ve connected with in your networking funnel toward a state of authentic engagement. It all starts with practicing on those you already know.

• Change Your Perspective: Instead of seeing small talk as pointless or uncomfortable, consider it a chance to connect. Remember, everyone feels awkward at times; people are often too focused on themselves to judge you. Even introverts feel more energized and connected after small talk.

  - Make it happen: Challenge yourself to initiate a casual conversation with a colleague or someone new today.
  

• Practice Regularly: The more you practice small talk, the easier it becomes. Start by chatting with others who show up early to the meeting like you do, joining someone for lunch who’s sitting alone, or saying hello to colleagues in passing. As appropriate, share a few personal details in your company profile to invite others to connect.

  - Make it happen: Make it a goal to engage in at least one casual conversation in the course of your work each day.
  

• Stay Calm and Enjoy: If small talk makes you anxious, try deep breathing to calm your nerves or simple tricks like holding a cold glass of water to combat nervous perspiration. Focus on asking open-ended questions, such as “What are your weekend plans?” to keep things light.

  - Make it happen: Next time you've got a networking opportunity, set a simple goal to learn one new thing about someone (or two or three someones).
  

• Show Genuine Interest: The focus should be on others, not on talking about yourself. Be curious and empathetic. Show that you care about what the other person is saying. Follow up with questions or express interest in their story.

  - Make it happen: Actively listen and ask at least two follow-up questions in your next conversation to build a stronger connection. Can’t think of a question? Simply repeat back the last 3 or 4 words you heard them say in a questioning tone. They’ll see it as an excuse to go deeper.
  

• Keep It Light: Small talk should be quick and pleasant. Avoid controversial topics, heavy opinions, or gossip (always avoid gossip). Instead, offer a compliment or start with a simple observation.

  - Make it happen: Try starting your next conversation with a friendly observation or compliment.
  

• Master the Exit: When it’s time to end a conversation, keep it brief and polite. Mention that you have something to attend to shortly.

  - Make it happen: Practice your exit strategy by setting up a natural ending in your next chat. Rehearse it, then deliver it. “It’s been nice to chat with you. I have to head out, but I look forward to the opportunity to talk again.”

By embracing small talk, you can build stronger relationships, create opportunities for deeper discussions, and feel more connected in your workplace. Practice makes perfect, so find ways to master the art so it just flows. Don’t underestimate the big impact that these small conversations can have on your career and overall well-being.

Thanks for reading the Network Wrangler! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

P.S. Want to comment/reply/say hello? Just hit reply — your email goes straight to my inbox. 🤗