Like More People, Make More Friends

The easiest way to become more likable starts with you

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Photo by Oriana Ortiz

Hey there,

When it comes to building a healthier, more connected life, the research is clear: diverse social ties lead to better living, longer. 

The more people you interact with, be they neighbors, coworkers, or folks at your local coffee shop, the more resilient you become to stress, loneliness, and even disease.

And the interaction doesn’t have to be much. It can be a simple nod of recognition when you’re passing someone by. But even that simple nod can convey so much.

In every day life it is a sign of acknowledgement. An upward nod is a way of saying "whats up" to friends or people you’ve seen before. A downward nod is a way of acknowledging a stranger without vocal communication.

But how do we go from nodding at strangers to building those ties that keep us emotionally buoyant?

We start by liking more people.

That’s right.

If you want to be more likable, the easiest and most immediate shift isn’t in your wardrobe, your social calendar, or your conversation starters. It’s in your attitude.
Like others, and you’ll become more likable.

Multiple studies have shown that people who express liking toward others are more likely to be liked in return. This phenomenon is based on what’s called the reciprocity of liking, and it’s as powerful as it is simple. When we genuinely appreciate someone, whether it’s their energy, their style, or their perspective, they subconsciously register us as more trustworthy, more open, and more magnetic.

In other words, liking is contagious.

And to compound the problem even further? We consistently underestimate our own likability.

The fact of the matter is that people are predisposed to like us.

Most of us have just done an all too awesome job of cataloguing our own (hidden) faults and therefore assume everyone else knows them, too. And if they knew all those faults, why would they like us?

Well, good news is they don’t see the list of shortcomings. You may have confided them to your closest friends, but strangers don’t know them.

We’re all just trying to find a way to connect (it’s evolutionary).

And we bring this optimistic point of view to each encounter with a stranger, hoping they’ll be our next friend. We’re looking for something to like about them.

What’s not to say they’re doing anything different in looking at you?

And there’s just so much to like about you, isn’t there?

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This doesn’t mean you should stop improving your communication skills or practicing your small talk, but it does mean the foundation of likability is something you already have the power to adjust instantly: your mindset.

When you like more people, you smile more freely. Your posture softens. Your resting expression looks lighter, happier, and more at ease. And all of that makes you the kind of person other people want to talk to.

What a wonderful opportunity to show off your newly sharpened skill for small talk.

And that energy opens doors: to casual chats in the grocery store line, to longer conversations at work, to the start of friendships that might just become essential over time.

Kickstarting the evolution of acquaintance to friendly to good friend is entirely within your control. It kicks off with adopting the mindset of liking them first.

It’s easier than you think to start the likability mindset shift.

ACTION: Likability Mindset Shift

This week, try this simple exercise:

Wherever you are—in line at the store, waiting for your coffee, sitting at a red light—notice the people around you.

Now find one thing to like about each person:

  • Their haircut.

  • The bold pattern on their jacket.

  • The book they’re reading.

  • The way they talk to their child.

  • The fact that they ordered the exact same drink you did (such good taste!).

There is something to like about everyone.

Your job is to find it.

And when you do, you’ll find yourself softening. Smiling more. Feeling better.

And over time? Making more friends.

Because the people we like feel that energy, and they like us back.

So go out there this week with softer eyes and a more generous heart.

Not to impress anyone.

Not to perform.

Just to like more people, and watch your world open up.

A Shout Out to Everyone Who Is Trying Right Now

Trying to do the right thing. Trying to stay open. Trying to keep going. Trying to hold on. Trying to let go. Trying to find their flow. Trying to stay afloat. Trying to meet each new day. Trying to find their balance. Trying to love themselves. Trying new things and new ways. Trying to meet new people.

I see you.

I’m there, too.

We’re in this together. Thanks for being here with me.

What’s your default mindset: liking strangers or being neutral or even wary of them? Do you have a way to do your mindset shift that you think could help others? Just hit reply — I’d love to share it in a future newlsetter. 🙏

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