Thank You for Playing the Reciprocity Game

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Hi there, happy Thursday!

Welcome to issue #23 of the Network Wrangler. It’s our first issue of June, we’ve got a new sponsor (scroll to the bottom), and here’s what we’re covering today:

1. Gratefully Strengthening Relationships through Reciprocity

2. Expanding Your Network through Connectors

Strengthening Relationships through Reciprocity

The link between expressing gratitude and experiencing life satisfaction has been consistently supported by psychological and sociological research. Gratitude is a key social emotion that depends on our understanding the thoughts or feelings of another person (see also: shame, embarrassment). Social emotions contrast basic emotions like happiness or sadness, which only require an awareness of our physical state.

When humans develop our faculty for social cognition in adolescence, we can finally imagine other people’s mental states. This opens up our ability to begin practicing reciprocity, the social norm of in-kind responses to the behavior of others (both positive and negative).

One of gratitude's wonderful qualities is that it not only enhances our own happiness but also acts as a catalyst to strengthen our relationships through the powerful mechanism of reciprocity.

The Science of Gratitude

Gratitude is more than just a polite thank-you. It involves recognizing and appreciating the positive aspects of life and the contributions of others to our well-being. This recognition often fosters a deeper connection between individuals. Psychological studies indicate that gratitude is strongly correlated with greater life satisfaction. Feeling grateful helps us cherish good experiences, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.

Gratitude as a Reciprocal Force

From a sociological perspective, gratitude can be seen as a form of social glue that binds people together. It acts reciprocally; when one person expresses gratitude, it often encourages positive behaviors in the recipient of that gratitude, creating a cycle of goodwill and further strengthening the bonds between them. This cycle not only increases personal well-being but also enhances the relational dynamics among individuals.

Put another way: it makes our connections to each other stronger and keeps the relationship from becoming old and cold.

Practical Ways to Cultivate Gratitude

1. Maintain a Gratitude Journal: Regularly write down things you are grateful for. This practice helps to shift focus from what is lacking to what is abundant in your life. I’ve incorporated my gratitude practice into my bedtime routine.

2. Express Gratitude Openly: Make it a habit to thank people sincerely and often. Whether for small acts of kindness or major contributions, letting people know you appreciate them deepens relationships. I make it a habit to thank the volunteers I encounter at events because I remember what it was like to be seen and appreciated for my own volunteer contribution.

3. Reflect on Relationships: Take time to think about each important relationship in your life. Consider what you appreciate about each person and communicate this appreciation to them. I incorporate this practice into my network audits: as I scan the names of the people I know, I recall why I’m grateful they are in my life. This makes it such an easy task to then reach out and let them know (especially if they’re in danger of becoming old and cold).

4. Practice Mindfulness: Mindful reflection on the present moment can enhance appreciation for the small pleasures of daily life and increase your overall gratitude. This is an area I still need to get better at incorporating into my daily life. I’m episodically mindful, and I should probably reach out again to thank BJ Fogg for writing Tiny Habits to become regularly mindful. (See what I did there?)

By integrating these practices into our daily lives, we can harness the power of gratitude to enhance our life satisfaction and strengthen our relationships. This reciprocity of appreciation not only enriches our personal experiences but also contributes to a more compassionate and connected society.

Remember, intelligent networking is not just about intentionally creating new contacts; it’s about keeping our existing connections strong. Gratitude is probably the easiest way to ensure our connections stay healthy, vibrant, and ready to support us in our goals.

Discovering Connectors: The Key to Expanding Your Network

Let’s talk about the next archetype I cover in the Inner Circle Effect: the Connector. (see also Mentors and Motivators)

In the realm of networking, connectors are the linchpins. These individuals have an innate ability to bring people together, making them invaluable for anyone looking to expand their professional or personal circles. Identifying and connecting with those who embody the connector archetype can significantly enhance your networking efforts.

Here’s how to spot a connector and effectively engage with them.

1. Broad and Diverse Network:

   Connectors typically boast a wide-ranging network that spans various industries and professions. They enjoy meeting new people and are often involved in multiple social and professional groups. Look for individuals who are active across diverse settings and seem to know someone in every field.

2. Enthusiastic Introduction Maker:

   True connectors take pleasure in introducing people to each other. They not only know a lot of people but also excel at recognizing how individuals can mutually benefit from knowing each other. Notice who frequently makes introductions and seems genuinely enthusiastic about connecting people with common interests or complementary skills.

3. Excellent Memory for Details:
   Connectors often remember personal and professional details about the people in their network, which helps them make thoughtful introductions. They can recall past conversations, interests, and professional backgrounds, which is a crucial trait that helps them bridge connections between people effectively.

4. Strong Social Skills:

   Good connectors are typically personable and approachable. They possess strong social skills and make others feel comfortable and valued in conversations. This approachability attracts others to them and facilitates easier and more frequent connections.

5. Active Listener:

   Connectors are not just talkers; they are excellent listeners. They pay close attention to what others say, which helps them understand people’s needs and how they might help connect them to others who can meet those needs.

Finding a connector often involves attending various networking events and observing who stands out as a central figure in interactions. Engage with these individuals, express genuine interest in their activities, and share your goals. A good connector is usually eager to help and may just provide you with an introduction that could propel your career or personal life forward.

I’m blessed to have several super connectors in my network, and I marvel at just how good they are at weaving connections together to create untold value.

I even have a Professional Wing Woman, Shaena Harrison, in my inner circle. Her company offers human connection as a service, and you can hire her as a network concierge to jumpstart your connections until you can find a super connector of your own. (I get no commercial benefit from this referral, I’m just a huge fan of her work!)

SCROLL: This Week’s Quick Hits

• You Turn: How to Figure Out What You Really Want (TEDx Talk)

• It’s the Neuroeconomics, stupid! An interdisciplinary field dedicated to the study of human decision-making. (Wikipedia, SNE)

• Webinar on June 12, 2024 at noon EDT: Reigniting Your Network

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That’s all for this week. See you next Thursday!

— Thomas

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