Three Practical Email Templates for Reconnecting

Hi there, happy Thursday!

Welcome to issue #17 of the Network Wrangler. Today’s (long-ish) newsletter speaks to two completely different mindsets regarding connecting with others.

If you’re pressed for time, read only the part that makes sense to you. (For faster scrolling, the second part starts after the image below)

1. Series Wrap-Up: the actual templates to reconnect with old connections

2. Convince Me: taming your social anxiety to make connections

3. And a quick hit on Blue Zone relationships and longevity.

Why and How to Reconnect to Old Connections

This week, we conclude our three-part series (part 1, part 2) on the benefits of reconnecting with old and cold connections, both to improve your own life and to make the world a better place for others.

On Brené Brown’s podcast on the topic of New AI - Artificial Intimacy, her guest Esther Perel observed that “modern loneliness masks as hyper-connectivity. I can have 1,000 virtual friends, but nobody to feed my cat…but 1,000 people who are giving me likes and dislikes.”

And so technology feels like it’s hurtling us toward lives of solitude and isolation by replacing our desire to gather in person with micro-engagements to feed our self-esteem. But, as Perel adds, “that’s a different kind of loneliness. It’s not about being physically alone, it’s about being misunderstood, unseen, rejected, ostracized, all of that.”

But we can use the other edge of this technological sword to benefit by reconnecting with others meaningfully by reaching out to them directly by email (or phone, if you’ve only got their number).

Ready to reach out? Here are three easy templates to initiate the contact:

1. A Simple Open: Thinking About You
   All it takes is a moment to crack open the possibility of a deeper reconnection. Great for sussing out if they remember you, too.
   
   “Hi, it’s been a while! I was just [talking with a friend, listening to a podcast, reading the Network Wrangler] and found myself thinking about you. I hope you’re well." <send>
   

2. Invitation to Reconnect with Real Plans
   Honor the fact that you may not have heard from them in a while, but you didn’t reach out to them either. You go first.
   
   “Hi, it’s been a while! I’ve been thinking about you. Let’s grab coffee! [propose a date, time and place (IRL or ZOOM)]. <send>
   
   Note: Be specific. If you’re not setting a date, you’re likely not getting coffee together. Break the ice with the proposal and negotiate the specifics from there.
   

3. Invitation to Reconnect with a Business Purpose

   Already know you want to connect for a specific reason? Be direct about your intentions if you want to dive right in.
   
   “Hi, it’s been a while since we last connected when we [last shared life experience]. I’d welcome the opportunity to talk with you to catch up and explore ways to work together. How does [date, time, place] work for you? So looking forward to it!” <send>

Just this month, I was the recipient of a message along the lines of number 3 above, from someone I hadn’t spoken to in over 20 years. Yes, I got the initial nostalgic uplift from seeing his name in my inbox, and, of course, we connected.

I can tell you, it was awesome to spend 30 minutes on ZOOM seeing how our lives traversed so many successes and lessons learned and confirmed that all the reasons I thought he was going to do great things had, indeed, come to fruition. Will we actually find ways to work together? I’m not sure, but I do know I was able to connect him to someone else I’d gotten to know in the intervening 20 years. And I’m pretty sure they’re going to find gold in the connection.

Temma Ehrenfeld writes about the positive uplift of reaching out to old friends, “Your health and happiness will both benefit from reconnecting and staying connected. In a review of studies over 34 years, researchers concluded that feeling isolated or lonely upped your chances of dying young by about 30 percent, for both men and women. It also increases your risk for dementia, depression and heart disease.”

See, the more tightly we reconnect the world by reaching out to people who’ve been meaningful to us at some time in the past, the better we’ll all be.

Who are you going to reconnect with first?

Cultivating Connections: A Guide for Those with Social Anxiety

I could feel my armpits start to sweat out as I looked out on a sea of new faces all happily chatting away with each other over lunch.

There were literally 1,000 people in the converted ball room, and I only knew one of them.

But, in the name of research for the newsletter, I’d vowed not to sit with him in the warm cozy bubble of familiarity. So I had to pick a stranger, instead.

Standing with my airplane chicken lunch plate in hand, I did some box breathing. With each exhale, I could feel the courage growing to go sit at a table with an odd number of people.

On my fifth exhale, I picked my table, approached, and spent a lovely lunch with five new connections.

See, earlier this month, I went to my first large in-person conference of the year, and I was promptly confronted with the fact I’m still actively managing lifelong, low-grade social anxiety.

Even though I’m equipped with all the knowledge about the benefits of human connection and network effects, I still have to work through the friction when confronted with an opportunity to connect.

I work through this friction by reminding myself that engaging in the art of human connection is an act of courage, particularly for those who navigate the waters of social anxiety.

Each interaction, each moment spent reaching out to another, is a testament to the strength it takes to bridge the divide between solitude and companionship.

Those among us who are really good at networking have pushed through the friction enough times that the path between opportunity and realized connection is worn smooth. Which means there’s hope for the rest of us that this gets easier. It just takes practice.

As with anything that disrupts the status quo, our journey to building meaningful relationships often begins at the edge of comfort, where apprehension meets opportunity. Only here, the reward—a rich tapestry of interpersonal connections—far exceeds the initial trepidation of stepping into the unknown.

Here are some touchpoints for making those first steps into the unknown land on solid ground:

• Embrace Shared Passions

  Connection blooms effortlessly among those who share common grounds. If books ignite your passion, a local book club might enrich your reading list and introduce you to fellow bibliophiles. Similarly, joining a running club can accelerate your social circle alongside your pace. I went on a wildflower hike this past weekend which allowed me to connect with others who appreciate the outdoors. Shared interests lay a solid foundation for friendships, offering common topics for conversation and opportunities to meet regularly.

• Confront Resistance with Openness

  The fear of rejection is a formidable barrier, and it’s something I wrestle with even today. However, overcoming this resistance by embracing change and stepping out of your comfort zone is crucial. Each step outside familiar boundaries increases your resilience and broadens your world, making social interactions less daunting over time. Want some low-stakes practice? Try the MDW Coffee Challenge, and I think it was this practice that really helped me screw up the courage to sit at a table of strangers for lunch.

• Offer Authenticity

  Authenticity is the cornerstone of trust and connection. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable might seem daunting, but it encourages others to respond in kind, deepening mutual understanding. This doesn't mean oversharing; instead, it's about being honest about your thoughts and feelings, which fosters a genuine connection. I incorporate this authenticity practice by voicing my gratitude to the people I spend time with, not just feeling it without sharing.

• Minimize Digital Distractions

  Smartphones, while useful, are too good at creating barriers to real-world connections. By putting away your device in social settings, you signal your openness and presence, making you more approachable and engaged in the moment. This doesn’t mean you put it face-down on the table; it means you put it away, in quiet mode, out of sight (and out of mind). The world can wait.

• Cultivate and Maintain Relationships

  Relationships thrive on attention and care. Regularly reaching out to new and old friends alike nurtures these bonds. Whether it’s a simple message to check in or a scheduled catch-up, consistent communication reinforces the value you place on these relationships. Never underestimate the uplift value of the simple 10-word message saying, “I was thinking about you today. I hope you’re well.”

• Transform Loneliness into Opportunities

  When you get to be my age (mid-50s for those keeping track), admitting you’re lonely feels like something to be ashamed of. But loneliness is a common human experience, and we can use it as a catalyst for change. Challenge yourself to transform solitude into a search for kinship. This might mean rekindling old (and cold!) friendships, joining a club or group that aligns with your interests, or volunteering for something you’re passionate about.

By embracing these principles, and stepping out into the unknown, you embark on a rewarding journey toward enriching your life with vibrant, meaningful connections. Each step, each effort to reach out, reinforces your social circle and your inner strength and self-esteem.

Remember, the path to overcoming social anxiety and fostering connections is not about altering who you are, but about showcasing your true self in all its uniqueness.

I’m proof that these work. I know you can do it, too.

SCROLL: This Week’s Quick Hit

On longevity: diet isn't the only reason the Blue Zones stand out. Relationships and community are key to living longer. Studies from the NIH have shown: 

• social isolation increases all-cause mortality by about 33% 

• loneliness is linked to lower health literacy and other health concerns

• one recent study from 2023 indicated a direct correlation between loneliness and cognitive decline.

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That’s all for this week. See you next Thursday!

— Thomas

PS: Heads-up, May 6 is my next available date for coaching. We might be a good fit if you know you need to reconnect with your network and want to make 2024 the year you harness the power of your connections.

I work with clients to:

• audit their existing networks

• identify gaps and opportunities

• unleash the power of old and cold connections

Just reply to this email if you want to know more.

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